FIVE BEST TV AND MOVIE PRESIDENTS

5. HILLARY CLINTON - I prefer to think of her as a fictional President. The real thing is almost unimaginable.


4. DAVE KOVIC/BILL MITCHELL (Kevin Kline in "Dave") - Presidential impersonator Dave gets called in to pretend to be the look-alike President after the President has a stroke while pulling a "Monica" with an aide. The kind of President we wish we had.


3. PRESIDENT JAMES WHITMORE (Bill Pullman in "Independence Day") - Aliens invade, but the President gets into a fighter jet himself to take them out. Movie ends before they put up a "Mission Accomplished" banner.


2. PRESIDENT JAMES MARSHALL (Harrison Ford in "Air Force One.") Who wouldn't like Hans Solo in the White House. Plus, he not only refuses to negotiate with terrorists, he tells them to get off his plane!


1. PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER (Dennis Haysbert in "24.") If he didn't have Jack Bauer at his disposal he probably wouldn't make the number one spot, but he does have Jack so that makes him Number One. (President Logan has Jack Bauer too, but he is too wimpy to use him the right way.) Plus, Palmer gets extra credit for working his way up from voodoo worshiping professional baseball player to Allstate spokesman to the White House.



TOP TEN CHRISTMAS MOVIES

10. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
9. Home Alone
8. Christmas Vacation
7. A Christmas Carol
6. How The Grinch Stole Christmas
5. Charlie Brown Christmas
4. The Santa Clause
3. It's A Wonderful Life
2. The Christmas Story
1. Miracle on 34th Street

TOP TEN HORROR FILMS

10. Friday the 13th
9. Dawn of the Dead
8. Carrie
7. The Omen
6. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
5. A Nightmare on Elm Street
4. Halloween

3. Psycho
2. The Shining

1. The Exorcist

WORST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES FOR KIDS

10. Mustard. Generally ALL condiments should be avoided, but Grey Poupon is sick, NOT cute.


9. Vegetables. They may be good for you, but dressing your kid like a green bean with tumors will NOT be good for his/her psyche.


8. Fashion statements. Some good things happened in the 70s, but fashion was not one of them. And white guys with Afros is not "retro," just very disturbing...like it was in the 70s.


7. Trees. Unless you want your child to grow up to be the mascot for Stanford University, avoid vegetation.


6. Fish. Your daughter WILL grow up to star in porn films if you let her wear this costume. Also, a rabid bass fisherman may be tempted to mount her.


5. Rabbits. Just think of Ralphie from "The Christmas Story." 'Nuff said. If you do this to your kid, they WILL need psychological counseling later.


4. Confederate soldier. While this costume may sometimes work out ok in the deep South, it should be particularly avoided in inner city black neighborhoods nationwide. This one should particularly be off limits if your kid will be trick-or-treating in Toledo. The Kiddie Klansman, or even poorly done white sheeted ghost, is another one to be avoided.


3. Pigs. Even though radical fundamentalist Islamic terrorists want to KILL us and our families we don't want to OFFEND them by dressing up as pigs. So if your kids are headed out to heavily Muslim neighborhoods to trick-or-treat, you probably don't want to dress them as Piglet. Also a dangerous costume in some southern states like Georgia (just ask Ned Beatty) where your kid could be on a spit and doused with barbeque sauce before they know what's happening.


2. Chewbacca. As a general rule most characters from Star Wars, except Darth Vader, don't make for good Halloween costumes, but ewoks, Yoda, Jabba the Hut, and Princess Leia (unless your daughter is "hot" and at least 18), are among the worst. The only good thing about this particular costume is that with a pair of glasses with black frames the kid can use it next year and go as Drew Carey.


1. Sadaam Hussein. Even if you get a particularly realistic costume, anybody on trial for mass murder is not a great choice. Mohammed Atta, Osama Bin Laden, Cindy Sheehan and Michael Moore should also be considered "too frightening", even for Halloween. 



BEST TELEVISION AND MOVIE TEACHERS

10. Mark Thackery, To Sir With Love (Sidney Poitier)
9. Louanne Johnson, Dangerous Minds (Michelle Pfeiffer)
8. Gabe Kotter, Welcome Back Kotter (Gabe Kaplan)
7. George Feeny, Boy Meets World (William Daniels)
6. John Keating, Dead Poets Society (Robin Williams)
5. Pete Dixon, Room 222 (Lloyd Haynes)
4. Joe Clark, Lean On Me (Morgan Freeman)
3. Jaime Escalante, Stand And Deliver (James Edward Olmos)
2. Mr. Chipping, Goodbye Mr. Chips (Peter O'Toole)
1. Glen Holland, Mr. Hollands Opus (Richard Dreyfus)

BIGGEST NFL FLOPS (Heisman Winner*)

10. Gino Torretta*
9. Danny Wuerffel*
8. Ricky Bell
7. Blair Thomas
6. Tim Couch
5. Andre Ware*
4. Heath Schuler
3. Todd Blackledge
2. Tony Mandarich
1. Ryan Leaf

BEST DANCE MOVIES

10. A Chorus Line
9. West Side Story
8. Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers in anything!
7. Fame
6. Flashdance
5. Singing In The Rain
4. Saturday Night Fever
3. White Nights
2. Footloose
1. Dirty Dancing

BEST BURGER JOINTS IN MIDDLE TENNESSEE

10. Dipsy Doodle (Cookeville)
9. Johnnies (Clarksville)
8. Jiffy Burger (Manchester)
7. Sperry's (Nashville)
6. Ted's Montana Grill - Buffalo Burger (Nashville)
5. Buster's (Murfreesboro)
4. Brown's Diner (Nashville)
3. Bobbie's Dairy Dip (Nashville)
2. Fat Mo's (Nashville)
1. Rotier's (Nashville)

TOP TEN CODE MUSICAL NAMES FOR THE NEXT FBI STING IN TENNESSEE

10. Walkin' in Memphis.
9. Oops, I Did It Again.
8. Bad Boys.
7. Coming to Take Me Away.
6. Wasted Days And Wasted Nights.
5. If You've Got the Money, I've Got the Time.
4. Chain of Fools.
3. My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy.
2. Jail House Rock.
1. Friends in Low Places.

TOP TEN TV AND MOVIE DADS.

10. Ben Cartwright (Bonanza)
9. John Walton (The Waltons)
8. Robin Williams (Mrs. Doubtfire) - any dad that will wear a dress to spend time with his kids...
7. Fred McMurray (My Three Sons)
6. Mel Gibson (The Patriot) - any dad that will hatchet redcoats for his kids...
5. Steve Martin (Father of the Bride) (Spencer Tracey in the original version with Elizabeth Taylor as the daughter also deserves special mention.)
4. Michael Landon (Little House on the Prarie)
3. Tim "Tooltime" Taylor - Tim Allen
2. Bill "Cliff Huxtable" Cosby
1. Andy Griffith - The Andy Griffith Show

TOP TEN THEME PARK RIDES.

10. The Mountains (Space, Thunder, Splash) - DisneyWorld
9. Dueling Dragons - Islands of Adventure, FL
8. Hulk - Islands of Adventure, FL
7. Millennium Force - Cedar Point, OH
6. Titan - Six Flags Texas
5. Goliath - Magic Mountain, CA
4. The Beast - Kings Island, OH
3. Rocking Rollercoaster - MGM Studios, FL
2. Top Thrill Dragster - Cedar Point, OH
1. Mission Space - DisneyWorld

Top 10 Most Beautiful People.

BEST OF TENNESSEE TAX PROTESTS

10. The flags, particularly those American flags held by the children who joined in the protests, and signs.

9. Development of the Tennessee Tax Revolt organization.

8. The people of Tennessee, the unsung heroes of the tax revolt, who turned out time and time again to stop the relentless assault on their wallets.

7. The so-called "Lexus brigade".

6. Speaker Naifeh holding the vote open to continue to twist arms after he fell short of getting the votes for an income tax.
 
5. Bullhorn Rachel and the "Death to Taxes-mobile."

4. The "riot" (that wasn't) and the "rock" that was never produced.

3. The "Storm Troopers".

2. Naifeh calling people who listen to talk radio "low lifes"; Sundquist calling opponents to the income tax "neanderthals", "stupid", "irresponsible," etc.

1. We won; THEY lost. Tennessee STILL has no income tax...for now.


BEST BASEBALL MOVIES OF ALL TIME

10. Eight Men Out - The sad story of the scandalous Black Sox.

9. Bang the Drum Slowly - Be sure to have the hankies handy.

8. Pride of the Yankees - Gary Cooper, not playing a marshall.

7. League of Their Own - "There's no crying in baseball!" Definitely the best movie about WOMEN's baseball.

6. Angels in the Outfield - Dash of sweetness to go with the hardball.

5. The Sandlot - Backyard baseball the way it was meant to be.

4. Bull Durham - So many great lines; so many great scenes.

3. Field of Dreams - The "baseball" monologue by James Earl Jones is worth the price of admission by itself.

2. The Rookie - Made even better by the fact that it is a true story.

1. The Natural - "Wonderboy" gets it done. The blast into the lights is one of the great scenes from any sports movie.


BEST OF IRELAND

10. Maureen O'Hara - Most of her films featured John Wayne as well, so we will treat this as a dual listing.

9. Notre Dame "Fighting Irish"

8. Ronald Reagan - OK, maybe he was only of Irish descent, but he certainly exhibited the wit, charm and storytelling that is as Irish as it comes.

7. U-2 - Maybe not as musically Irish as the Chieftans, but they have more fans.

6. Waterford Crystal - The best place to keep your Irish Whiskey.

5. St. Patrick's Cathedral

4. Irish Pubs - There are 10,000 in Ireland. The copies in the U.S. are not nearly as good.

3. Kathy Ireland - While not technically (nor even marginally) Irish, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit model deserves a spot on the list if only because of her name.

2. Guinness - The "mother's milk" of Ireland.

1. Irish Whiskey - God created whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world. So far it's working.


TOP TEN "SURVIVOR" CONTESTANTS

10. TINA WESSON - Gotta pick the homegirl from Knoxville.

9. JENNA - The bathing suit model who took it off for chocolate.

8. LEX - The tatoo man. Took care of the girlfriend of his buddy (Boston Rob) and lost as a result.

7. COLBY - Good guy who lost to Tina because he picked her for the final two. Kept his word, paid the price.

6. JON - The most hated man in Survivor history, and well deserved. He's the one who said his grandma died so he could win a reward. Jeff Probst says he is as bad in real life as they portrayed him on the show.

5. RUDY - The geriatric Navy Seal was a fan favorite; tough and loyal, just like you expect a Seal to be.

4. RICHARD HATCH - OK, you don't like him. But he set the standard for how to play the game by winning the first one, then stiffed the IRS by not paying taxes on his winnings.

3. AMBER - Got the win, AND got her guy (Boston Rob). Now they are professional reality show candidates.

2. BOSTON ROB - Played better than anyone, but picked his girl instead of the win. Would have been the biggest sap in history if she had really been playin' him. Turned out to be true love...so far.

1. RUPERT - The fan favorite who played well but stayed likeable.


TOP TEN HOCKEY MOVIES

10. HAPPY GILMORE - Not technically a hockey movie, but Happy wanted to be a hockey player. Plus any movie that features a fight with Bob Barker makes the list.

9. IDOL OF THE CROWDS - OK, you never heard of it. It is a 1937 black and white film that may rank as one of the worst ever. But it stars John Wayne, as a hockey player. John Wayne ALWAYS makes the list.

8. D3 - The third installment of the Mighty Ducks series.

7. D2 - The second installment of the Mighty Ducks series.

6. THE CUTTING EDGE - Hockey player gets hurt and becomes an olympic figure skater. It could happen...not.

5. MYSTERY, ALASKA - New York Rangers head to Alaska to play pond hockey. Russell Crowe is one of the stars.

4. THE MIGHTY DUCKS - Lawyer Gordon Bombay (Emilio Estevez) teaches the pee wee Ducks to stick together.

3. YOUNGBLOOD - Rob Lowe plays a minor league player with a demanding coach. Keannu Reeves makes his acting debut as the goalie.

1.b. SLAPSHOT - Paul Newman is the player-coach of a team going nowhere fast. The Hanson Brothers are the highlight of the best hockey movie ever.

1.a. MIRACLE - The story of the 1980 Olympic gold medal won by the U.S. team. Puts a lump in my throat just thinking about it.


TOP TEN NFL QUARTERBACKS

10. Y.A. TITTLE - Old school, but still one of the best.

9. BRETT FAVRE - Winning in the icy conditions of Lambeau Field gets you bonus points.

8. TERRY BRADSHAW - One of the toughest QBs of all time.

7. DAN MARINO - With a few Super Bowl rings he would easily be number 1.

6. JOE NAMATH - Imagine how big he would have been with today's media coverage. Called his shot, like Babe Ruth, and delivered!

5. JOHNNY UNITAS - Made the crewcut cool.

4. JOHN ELWAY - Always seemed to find a way to get it done.

3. BART STARR - Another winner from Green Bay. Led some of the greatest teams ever, for the greatest coach ever.

2. ROGER STAUBACH - Class and character personafied, on and off the field. Also won a few games.

1. JOE MONTANA - Winner. Is there anybody else you would want in the huddle in the 4th quarter?


TOP TEN MOVIE AND TELEVISION ANIMALS

10. THE BIRDS (from Alfred Hitchcock's film "The Birds") - Ranked in first place in the group category.

9. OLD YELLER - A lot of great dogs just missed out on the top 10 (like Rin Tin Tin and Toto), but the tear factor gives Yeller the nod. 

8. MISTER ED - The talking horse, of course. And NO, he was not a zebra.

7. BABE - The porker who thought he was a sheep dog is the most popular pig since Arnold Ziffle on "Green Acres."

6. SILVER - The Lone Ranger's horse. Definitely led in the theme song category with the William Tell Overture. Now that's a hoof tapper.

5. THE BUDWEISER CLYDESDALES - Their Super Bowl commercials alone put them in the top ten; the one where they are playing football and kick an extra point through the telephone poles moved them into the top 5.

4. TRIGGER - Roy Roger's able steed. Roy had Trigger stuffed after his death, and told anybody who would listen that they could do the same thing to him after he died. Trigger was the Lassie of horses.

3. JAWS (The Great White Shark) - Let's face it. Nobody can dip their toe into the ocean without hearing that ominous music in their mind.

2. FLIPPER - Dolphins are not on any endangered species list, but don't dare say anything bad about our finned cousins to anybody who ever watched an episode of Flipper.

1. LASSIE - She was the McGyver of the animal world. "Lassie, go get a three quarter inch wrench, a flashlight from the credenza in the office, and help me remove the detonator to this bomb!" "Good girl!"